Normal Things (feat The Gatewatch)
by Kevinthejace
Summary: The Gatewatch is a bunch of either underpaid or unemployed jerks and misfits stuck in a three bedroom. They do normal things.


This was a worthy challenger. Yes, no one had quite been this agile. They were almost Jace's equal. But of course, Jace was far, far superior.

"You fought well, I give you that." He said solemnly, "But...it's time I end you."

Jace completed his final move.

"Eat that, maggot! Hahaha!" Jace laughed maniacally as he held up his phone in triumph.

"Gids, Jace is getting crazy about his puzzle game again!" Chandra Nalaar called out.

"Let me revel in my victory."

"Over who? Another friendless nerd?"

"I have friends."

"Are you sure?"

"Well...I'm still smarter than you!"

"And I can beat you to pulp!" As she said this, Chandra stood up, threateningly.

Jace reeled. The back claps by Gideon were enough to make him want to puke.

A foot wrapped in black stockings shoved Chandra aside from Jace.

Liliana, nose still buried in a book, spoke up, "Oh, stop, Chandra. We don't want to have to replace the carpet. It's coming outta your pocket."

Chandra shut up and sat back down in her chair. Jace collapsed back on the couch next to Liliana, "Thanks for that, Lili."

"When did I ask you to call me Lili?"

"Sorry. The name sticks with you."

Liliana sighed, "Fine, do as you wish Beleren. I don't have time to debate with you about a pet name."

"Ouch."

Gideon poked his head into the living room.

"No need for your presence, Meatslab. The matter's been settled." Liliana said.

Gideon frowned, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't call me that."

"Too bad. The name sticks with you."

"So, have you guys seen Nissa anywhere? I wanted to ask her about that wheat grass thing."

"She's teaching a yoga class." Chandra said.

"You know that stuff doesn't work, right?" Liliana raised an eyebrow.

"It's only bacteria that grows on it that has the health benefits." Jace piped up.

"Yeah, say what you want." Gideon left the room.

"Oh shit!" Jace put down his phone.

"What?" Liliana asked, still refusing to look up.

"I forgot to pre register for that PTPQ this weekend." Jace quickly typed in the phone number of his local game store.

While Jace registered the five of them for a Protour Pre Qualifier, Liliana glanced up from her book. He showed weariness in his eyes. Gideon must've been lifting weights late at night again. He was going to collapse any minute now.

Liliana got up and made a pot of coffee. She poured two mugs and handed one to Jace. He mouthed "thank you" and took a sip, relishing in the new blast of energy.

"No, no. Beleren. No, this is not a prank call. Urza, you know it's me. Well, you're just a floating head. Just register us already. Thank you. See you Thursday for D&D." Jace got off the phone and took another swig of coffee, "I swear, Urza is rotting up there."

"He's an eighty-three year old running a card shop. Of course he'd be."

"You ever find it weird that you know the age of everyone you meet just by looking at them?" Chandra asked.

"No. I find it useful."

"Hey, guys?" Gideon called from the kitchenette, "One of you has to go shopping! We have no food!"

"Not it!" Chandra hollered.

Liliana rolled her eyes, "It's my turn to go anyways."

"Alone?" Gideon asked.

"Yes, mother."

"That's not funny."

"No, it's not. It's sarcastic."

"Just bring someone with you. This city is filled with muggers."

"I can end a mugger before they would even get the chance to say 'Gimme all your money'."

"Just go with Jace. He has the car."

Jace cut in, "Let's all shut up and go get food already. The fact that I have to leave the apartment makes me upset."

* * *

"When Gideon said shopping for food, I assumed he meant at a grocery store." Jace said as he and Liliana entered a convenience store.

Liliana scoffed, "As if we would have the money for that. Is that why whenever you buy food, it's always, you know, not shit?"

"Yes. Because unlike you four, I have a respectable job."

"Yeah, as a punching bag for officers at the police precinct."

"I'm a physicist, thank you. I quit my job at the precinct for one at the community college here. Besides, Nissa sells flowers and teaches yoga to middle aged moms, Chandra's unemployed, Gideon works at the gym on both sides of the counter and you earn money from smacking people with dull rapiers. I have a steady income."

Liliana dumped armfuls of convenience food into a basket, "Whatever you say. This should hold us up for the next few weeks."

"Frozen food and instant noodles?"

"Yes."

"Fine. I'll get the frozen stuff, but you have to pay for the others." Jace said as they approached a clerk.

They payed for their food and left.

* * *

"Ugh!" Liliana shouted the next morning at breakfast, "I'm so bored! The next fencing competition I'm in isn't for another week and my book club at the library was cancelled."

"Get a job." Jace said, "You to, Chandra. Get Jobs. Gideon, get a better job."

Chandra and Gideon stared at Jace, offended. Jace pulled out his wallet.

"Here's five buck for each of you so you don't beat me up. Go buy some protein powder or some shit."

"You know, I actually got a PhD in english. How's the Community college job market?"

Jace almost spit out his cereal, "You have a doctorate?!"

"Yeah."

"Why would you settle for fencing as your income source?"

"No college would take me because of my 'tendency to encourage devious acts within students.'"

"Oh trust me, where I work, you'd be on the moral high ground." Jace said, "I can probably get you an interview."

"Really? That'd be great."

Nissa, without saying a word as per usual, sat up from her seat, cleaned her dishes, grabbed her yoga mat and bag and left to teach her first class.

"See? Jobs are being gotten." Jace turned to Chandra and Gideon.

"Fuck you, asshole." Chandra flipped Jace off.

"Oh shit!" Gideon looked at his phone, "I'm late for my shift!"

"This early? Nissa I understand, but you?" Liliana asked.

"Yeah. They pay better for the early hours."

"Have fun ripping off people trying to stick to their New Year's resolutions!" Chandra called after him.

"And now it's just us three." Jace said, "I'm off today and tomorrow, so...what do you guys wanna do?"

Liliana chuckled a mix of cute and menacing, "Why, whatever the hell we want."


End file.
